i love you, you hate me.
i'm not angry, just dissapointed.

pinkgirlrock: my hands smell like candy
Lumenredundas: thats a plus
Lumenredundas: just dont eat your hand by accident
pinkgirlrock: i put on this lotion and it's really strong... i'm considering taking a bite.
Lumenredundas: haha
pinkgirlrock: just a little one...
Lumenredundas: ok just a little
Lumenredundas: but dont spoil your dinner

love me two times, girl.
actually, love me just once, and i'll be alright. things are looking up today. get over yourself.

"innocence ends when one is stripped of the delusion that one likes oneself."
-joan didion



*make amends, let's make amends... make amends, amends amends.*
this is the earliest i've been upin weeks and it reminds me why i like the morning. it's a clean time when you can collect your thoughts and dreams and get lost in the other side of your life, that intimate side only you know. regardless of who your friends are, they never know you the way you know yourself. i think it's wonderful to have a truly private life.

amen.

this is the strangest section of my life to date... i never know if i'm asleep or awake (and what does it matter anyways if am either) and never understand the patterns of coercion. my mind is alseep when my body's awake and vice versa.

the tides of our lives are crashing waves that leave us stranded in each other's mercy... one can only hope that the mercy is with them, not in someone else's favor. why are we such heartless monsters?

(but you might as well face it, you're addicted to love)

we have smiles that match the arches of your eyelids. my smile is oriental in origin.... your laugh is a genuine comfort and i wish i could catch it like a fly ball. go fish.

sunday is the slowest way to thursday i know. i know. damn.

ok. i'm revaluating my sentiment on hothotheat. i don't hate them as much as i thought i did.

it is sort of catchy. who cares. and tonight is movie night. see y'all there.

where have all my hours of sleep gone?

i haven't slept for a full night in god knows how long.. i'm starting to wonder if there's something seriously wrong with that. maybe it's just summer. maybe it's just that i'm a robot. or maybe i'm retarded.
i've been listening to the same six cd's all summer and the future doesn't look too good from here. oh well. i miss john. life is empty without him. (where are you john?) duh. i'm getting excited about the show on the first. i have no idea how it will turn out. hopefully wonderful because i love accoustic guitars in the moonlight. not to mention the smell of a bonfire. and michael, even though i'm tough on her.
matt says i'm tough on my friends. he's right. i mean well. i just don't want them to slip up and wreck things for themselves. who am i though, right...... dear lord i sound like ******. i'm through.

i drank too much coffee today.

this has been a perfect day. another one where i missed out on the future by holding onto the past.
i wonder what tomorrow holds... probably more coffee.
goodnight moon.

"you cannot shake hands with a closed fist."
-mahatma ghandi

i have decided to start everything over.
this includes putting up with people's lying bull shit.

IndiEeLf777: bah i cant find a clean shirt
pinkgirlrock: who cares? laundry is over-rated

sometimes i wonder when i'll meet someone new... not new in the sense of "new skin," but in the sense of new personality.
iit seems like i keep re-encounterin the same six spirits shifting shapes but saying the same things.

art camp. yeah. art camp. it is hot as fuck.....
so we work and go to summerfest, exiting only to stuff faces waiting with anticipation for the next meal.